An older colleague told me of a neighbour who had issues with her husband. This woman - let's call her Kay was convinced that her husband was having an affair but couldn't prove it. She laid a trap for him, put out all the FBI moves and eventually found out the truth. The hubby was really having an affair but that was not the shocker, the real shocker was that the side piece was her colleague, actually one of her subordinates in the office. We'll call the side piece Betty.

Kay had risen to director level by the time she was 29. She had the power to deal with Betty because she was way below her on the corporate ladder even though the age difference wasn't much.

Kay biggest dilemma was the fact that she trusted Betty as of all the people in her team, Betty  had become some sort of backbone. She had helped to keep Kay grounded as she navigated the challenges of being a young executive reminding her of the things that really mattered. Kay in return mentored Betty.

Kay's biggest dilemma now was Betty's name had come up for promotion. Kay knew that Betty's direct bosses had put her name forward because they wanted to be in her good books. Kay did not believe Betty deserved the promotion as she had been at her current position less than a year and was struggling at it. She believed that training and international secondment was what Betty's career needed. Promoting people to levels of incompetence had never been Kay's style.

The biggest challenge was that Kay found out about her husband's affair in a rather public way and if she denied Betty a promotion, tongues were sure to wag. She was in  a serious dilemma and wondered what to do. This coupled with the fact that she was dealing with the hurt of her husband's betrayal. She had the mind to take a vacation and skip the management meeting so that Betty's track record could speak for itself; but Kay knew she couldn't. There were young people on her team deserving of upward movement, top talents she wanted to push in order to gain management recognition. She was at a loss and didn't know what to do.

Now whether my colleague was saying the truth or making up the story to pass time while we waited for a long overdue meeting, this story brings to mind how uncomfortable finding out your significant other is cheating with a colleague can be.

What would you do if you were in Kay's shoes? are the dynamics different if the colleague is senior, junior or on the same level? Is cheating more painful when it's with a collegue?

I'd really like to hear your thoughts.

It was a work day and I was reading professional articles on Linked in when I got a message from someone. We started chatting and it turned out that we had mutual acquaintances.

One thing led to another, he got my number and he began to ask me out. After some initial shakara, I agreed to go on a date with him and he was a complete gentleman. I had barely gotten home when I received the message 'I am completely smitten; I had such a wonderful time'.

I responded with a smiley and moved on to other things. The next few weeks were heavenly, I had so much fun and I was treated like the lady that I was. The brother was a gentle man and I felt at peace and in my feminine element around him. He was caring and extremely generous and he didn't push for the cookie even after we went clubbing and spent nights together. He respected me fully and I was happy untill............

The brother pulled the disappearing act on me and he did it so subtly. From meetings and conferences that took him out of Lagos to family activities. The visits and calls reduced untill they disappeared completely.

I healed my broken heart and moved on. I mean, this was linked in, the most professional of all platforms, where one could meet like minds and great connections.

People are finding love via Instagram dm's and I'm here getting heartbroken on linked in.

Maybe my head no carry online dating even on linkedin, I can never tell. I've moved on and now linked in is strictly for professional purposes.

Have a lovely and productive week ahead dears and may we all find success, love and fulfillment.

Kisses.

Gossip hurts, especially when you know it's not true.

It's sometimes exciting to listen to gossip even though that's a disgusting habit but the most painful thing about gossip is when things are being said about you that are not only malicious but also untrue.

Here's how to deal with office gossip when you are the subject;

1. Stay calm; No matter how hard this is (and trust me, I know how hard it can be), stay calm, do not fret or cause the gossip to make you act out in weird and funny ways.

2. Don't talk about it at all; except it has potential to affect your career negatively, then you need to address the source, respectfully and publicly with the aim of putting an end to it once and for all. When doing this, be brief, stick to the point and avoid unnecessary drama.

3. Have some empathy for the gossips; sometimes people gossip in order to feel better about their lives. You're performing, seemingly successful, etc. cooking up a story about you might make their imperfections easier to live with. People also fear what they do not understand and hence the gossip.

4. Learn from it; A wise man once said, never let a crisis go to waste in your life. What led to the gossip; did your character create that perception? What emotional reactions did you have and how did you deal with them? Answering these questions could increase your emotional intelligence quotient. Whatever happens, make sure you learn from it.

5. Remind yourself how bad the subject of gossip feels; when next you're tempted to gossip , remember how bad it feels to be on the receiving end and shut up.

6. Grow, live and continue the hustle; Never let the gossips detract you. Live your life and ignore what you have to. There's a saying that if you listen to everything being said, you will hear your own servant curse you.

These are my sugegstions. I can't wait to hear yours. I promise to respond to comments.

Have a wonderful weekend ahead.

• If he compliments you by putting someone else down; You know that type of compliment where they say 'You're slim unlike certain females that are too fat'. 'I love your brains, unlike some Nigerian girls that are so dumb'.... bla bla bla.
• If he enjoys seeing women compete; This is the elder brother to the point above. If he seems to enjoy a cat fight among women, or compare women in groups, he has a challenge.
• If he is rude to people around him; I've noticed that the older and more mature a man is, the more he is polite and respects people around.
• If he exhibits borderline unruly behavior in the name of 'being himself'; That guy that talks anyhow, makes jokes at the expense of others, and displays borderline bad habits all in the name of being himself is someone that has no respect for others and constituted authority.
• If he tries to convince you that all his exes,etc still want him; you know that guy that has stories of how various girls want him and are dying for him the 1st day of the date.
• If he tries to convince you that all his exes are psychos, crazy, etc; my darling it's either he's lying, a psycho magnet or does things to make babes pscho.
• If he is overtly possessive at the beginning; you guys have just met but he wants to know where you are, why you didn't pick his calls on time, etc.
• If he will do anything to be socially correct; the guy of guy that outward reputation matters the most to. While I agree that we need to present the best version of ourselves to the world. A man who will do 'ANYTHING' to be socially correct is actually insecure.
• If he is a mummy's boy/friend's boy; if he is indecisive and needs a crew to take his decisions, he is a fuck boy.
• If his stories don't add up; Fuck boys and lies are like peas in a pod.
• If he has no visible source of income; you know those guys that are all talk, lofty dreams and no action. The ones that are 'unto their own sturvs' but still try to borrow money from you. My sister, run

The above are initial signs. As you go deeper into the relationship, you begin to notice things like blowing hot and cold, not valuing your dreams and goals, making you feel like you need to beg for his attention because you are lucky to have him, being stingy etc.

To avoid seeing worse signs, if he exhibits five of the above, be very wary and watch him closely before going further. If he exhibits more than five, just say to yourself 'Not today satan, I'll pass'.

The past two years have seen a lot of social media drama and unfortunately, sad marriage tales.

Most times when news of marriage break up occurs, people blame it on sharing too much on social media.

You begin to read comments like 'why won't they break up, when they post all the details of their lives of social media'.

And it seems that people believe that over-sharing, whatever it may mean is the reason for a lot of break up in marriages.

I've noticed though that while people have that sentiment for celebrities, they don't seem to think the same for normal individuals.

When everyday people post pictures of their children, spouses, work life etc, the comment section is lit with compliments and accolades like 'beautiful family', 'hot mama', 'I go love oh' but if a celebrity puts up a similar post, we are likely to see comments like 'keep posting oh, later we'll hear of DV and side-chicks', 'when they tell you people to take your relationships off social media, you won't listen till we begin to hear stories that touch'.

So I have a question, do all  relationships have to be kept private or does the over-sharing jinx affect only celebrities?

Please feel free to comment, I'd like to hear your thoughts.

If there's one thing every career person prays not to have, it is a bad boss. A bad boss can affect your productivity negatively and also make your working days, hell on earth. On the other hand, a good boss is one the best things that could ever happen to your career. Most people that have attained career success and happiness owe it to a good boss. Note that I said career success and happiness because while you can succeed under a bad boss, happiness can be far fetched.

While most people complain about having bad bosses, no one ever claims to be one. Everyone believes they are good bosses- afterall, the bible says 'every man will proclaim his own goodness'.

I carried out a survey and came up with characteristics of a good boss;

• A good boss knows the job; you have to have excellent technical skills. Know how to do the job.
• A good boss knows the political side of the job; to be honest, there is a lot of politicking in the office and some problems are due to political fallout. Subordinates need a boss that can teach them the softer skills involved in the job.
• A good boss solves problems; When there is a challenge, do you step up and solve problems or do you start playing the blame game? Good bosses deal with the challenge first without wasting time playing the blame game.
• A good boss is firm and has radical candor; As a boss, your job is not to be nice. A boss is like an office parent. There is need for firmness and honest feedback to subordinates even though unpleasant. Like a parent, while you must be caring and kind, you must not forget that your subordinates look up to you for growth.
• A good boss cares about the advancement of subordinates; You need to take an interest in the careers of your subordinates,work with them to harness their strengths, minimize their weaknesses and fight for their career advancement
• A good boss discourages favoritism,politicking and other toxic behavior; you try your  best to ensure that there is no politicking, favoritism, bullying etc. in your team.
• A good boss uses the carrot and stick approach; You compliment and  reprimand.
• A good boss doesn't forget to be human; you are a human being and you understand and accept that. The human touch is not missing in your interaction. While you are a bad ass technically, politically, as a coach etc. you are human and you are relatable and this acknowledgement of our shared humanity is the reason you are a good boss because in being human you inspire trust and this trust is something you do not betray.

So Divas, I have outlined a few characteristics I believe a good boss should have, please feel free to comment if there are other characteristics you'd like your boss to possess.

I'd love to hear from you and I promise to respond to as many comments as I can.

A healthy spirit and sense of self are essential to a successful life, but there are a lot of things that can affect our inner peace. The struggles of each day, unfulfilled dreams, bad news that are around and the behavior of people can take a toll on us. I have outlined habits that if cultivated would help us protect our inner self.

1. Cultivate the art of gratitude: There is something about a thankful heart, it released joy which is good for the soul. Staying thankful and being grateful for the little things is good for the soul.

2. Live an authentic life: to thine own self be true. Don't lie to yourself or deny the essence of who you are to fit in. Know who you are and know that you are enough. Live an authentic life because lying to yourself is a recipe for failure. Never try to be what you are not. Just do you.

3. Love silence: Don't be afraid to be alone. De-clutter your insides of noise. Learn to be still and love the silence in the air.

4. Pamper yourself and make sure you have a 'ME' time; It could be an hour every week where you take out time for yourself. It could be every evening when you spend longer time exfoliating. It could be in the morning when you listen to the silence before the noise of the day starts but schedule time for yourself.

5. Plan your finances; wealth gives strength oh. A knowledge that you're taken care of financially can help you stay sane and keep things in perspective. Have a healthy financial plan and habit, grow your side gigs and generally try to ensure money is not so much of a big deal.

6. Strive to be someone who always has options; Grow in your career, take on projects that can make your marketable outside the office not just mundane everyday activity. Take extra courses, make smart and calculated career moves. Whatever you do, do not stay stuck in one place, loosing your sense of options.

7. Surround yourself with positivity; friends who gossip, put you down, criticize you, compete, loose them. Say to yourself 'only positive people can sit with me'. Protect yourself and remember that you are responsible for your emotions.

8. Choose to excel, not compete; do not compete with anyone at all. Walk your own path. Use your talents and abilities and grow into the best YOU.

9. Be teachable, cultivate emotional intelligence and adapt to the world; Open yourself to the world around you. Learn to understand people and try to see things from every angle not just yours. Strive to understand the world and the ways to adapt to it not forcing your ideas and opinions on others. Find out what works and place your personal style on it.

10. Remind yourself that God is in charge; and everything in his care is well taken care of. Cast your cares upon him, do your best each day and trust him to take charge of everything.

So dears, these are techniques I use to protect my inner peace. I would like to read your comments and be rest assured that I will respond to them.