We often hear that women hate each other, that women are the ones that put each other down the most.

I've taken out time for outline possible reasons for the seeming girl-on-girl hate.

1. They have been raised to compete with each other; I call it the how market syndrome. Society trains women to aspire to marriage and compete for the attention of men and as a result, competition, jealousy and seeming hate becomes the order of the day amongst women.

     2. A lot of women are not true to themselves;  Lot's of women are stuck in their shell, living a lie 
           and not true to themselves. This breeds self hate, a judgemental spirit and internal unhappiness and
           because you cannot give what you don't have, women project their self hate on others.

   3. Society promotes this idea; I do not really believe that women hate each other but society seems to
       promote this notion in various ways; advertising like real men eat meat not bones (pitting chubbier
       women against skinny women), blogs that like to promote squabbles among women, insecure men
       who pit women, against each other, it seems everyone loves a cat fight hence they promote the notion
       women hate each other.

4.  Women are people too; and that means they have the right to like and not like and they are also
      open to being liked and not being liked. The fact that you are a woman doesn't mean I must like you if
      I don't like you neither does that fact that I'm a woman mean everyone must like me.It's just life, you like       some, you unlike some.  

5.  It is not true; It is not true that women really hate each other. People hate people sometimes and         
     women like men are people too.

So dears, do you agree with me, feel free to comment on reasons why the notion persists that women hate each other.

Not too tall,
Someone with curves,

One of our readers asked that I do a post on how a good girl can be sharp and land a man in the 21st century.

I am no authority on relationship issues, I just write based on what I've observed as well as research from friends, family, well wishers, etc.

I had originally done a post on  why good girls suffer and this post will highlight how to get the best of life as a good girl, it might not land you a man (as good men are gifts from above) but it will ensure you have an exciting and balanced life. So read and found out how to be a good girl and hot;

• Define your sense of style; Fashion and style has this way of opening doors for us. Whether you're a tomboy, good girl, sexy siren, corporate conservative type, it's important to define your sense of style and hone it with so much finesse. Find a style icon that suits your style to serve as a source of inspiration.
• Learn social rules; you need to understand what the social rules of life are and you'll do this by observing and listening to feedback. No need to swim against the tide, go with the flow but know where you want to go.
• Define yourself; Know who you are, strengths, weakness and all. Hone your strengths and find a way to downplay your weaknesses.
• Learn the art of seduction; and by this, I do not mean getting a man into bed or wanting to have sex with you. As a person, you need to learn how to draw attention to your strengths without looking like you're the one running after attention. You do this by being consistent, thinking positive thoughts about yourself and others, being graceful as much as possible, and being genuinely happy for others who have the spotlight. Some people have this naturally, while others have to learn this but if you do what's written above, you will attract your tribe.
• Flirt; by flirt I mean be open, go out with guys when they ask you out, that way you get to practice your 'man catching skills' and you are never needy and when you do find the guy you like, he has to walk his way up the queue as there are a lot of people on it already.
• Have a positive aura; an aura that inviting,warm, graceful and peaceful. No one wants to be near a dowdy Jane or a miserable person. To have a positive aura, you will have to think positive thoughts and never see yourself as a victim.
• Think positive thoughts; You are your thought life. Think of yourself as a million dollar bill, don't ever think you're a victim. Say to yourself, 'I am a Lion, not a Cat' and carry yourself as such.

Remember, being a good girl is not an excuse to be boring, socially awkward, a victim, poorly or scruffy dressed etc. You can be a good girl and still be hotttt!!!!!

The hustle of the week is almost over. Someone may look at unachieved goals and feel discouraged. Tag a friend today and let them know you believe in them and like the rocket in this image, one day they're going to blow.

Others may dread this day but we are we are always excited because we know that amazing things lie ahead.

Have a great week dears, go out there and excel.

The weekend is here. What will you be doing? Weddings, birthdays, hanging out with friends, house chores, visit to the mechanic?

Whatever you're doing, we're just glad that the weekend is here

Being a woman is a beautiful thing. A woman is the source of life, beauty, warmth etc. These are wonderful cliches but as a woman, are you really ecstatic to be a woman? Does the idea that you are a woman excite you, are you really excited and at peace with being a woman?

You see, it's easy to say all the right words but deep down, do we really like being women? Some people feel that they are not attractive enough, that they do not have enough feminine wiles, that society is against them- afterall, it's a man's world and they can get away with being brutal and treating us anyhow. Beliefs like how society stops us, stands in our way, how we have to suffer and reap rewards in our old age are not consistent with being ecstatic about our womanhood.

When we are ecstatic about being women, we are extremely comfortable in our skin. We are in tune with every aspect of ourselves; our bodies, our feelings, emotions, fears, weakness and strengths. We are genuinely in love with ourselves.

Because we are in love with ourselves, we take better care of ourselves, we look good, take care of our skin and do our best to project the best version of ourselves, we are in-tune with our sexuality and sensuality and we do not sit on it. We have no time to judge others or criticize, we are living our lives, walking our path.

When people meet us, they are released to become the best version of themselves because we do not hold back or judge ourselves so we have no time to judge others. We are simply loving and holding everyone including ourselves to high standards of excellence.

We do not have time to compete, we know that who we are is enough.

Because we love ourselves, we do not tolerate disrespect in anyway and we firmly and lovingly set boundaries by how we treat ourselves (to be honest, what sane thinking person would mutilate a brand new Mercedes). We are not bogged down by regrets because we forgive ourselves for mistakes made and learn the lessons that are necessary and because we have forgiven ourselves, it is easier to forgive others.

It's hard to stay in toxic relationships because we are complete as we are and so we can walk away.

And when we are ecstatic to be truly women, we become really beautiful; not by worldly standards but truly beautiful. We have all met that hot girl who seemed out of touch with who she was, that despite her beauty, you wanted to leave her presence and there is the opposite, a woman not exceptionally attractive by worldly standard but she exuded a sense of warmth that drew everyone in.

Beautiful women ecstatic about being women can be found everywhere;

• She is that elderly woman that cleans compounds for a living. She shows up everyday in her neatly pressed dresses, her hair plaited with a smile on her face and everyone just wants to spend at least five minutes with her because she exudes joy and serenity.
• She is that student that treats everyone with grace as she tries to understand the challenges of growing up and maturing into womanhood.
• She is that female starting our her career or a business; while scared and naive in the business and career world, she faces each day bravely because she knows each experience is a teacher and one day she will become the best of what she can be.
• She is the female boss in the office who isn't afraid to be feminine and at the same time she isn't afraid to be strong, to speak up for herself and her team and also demand excellence from people who work for her.
• She is that single female, the type we like to call 'Aunty gwegz' but it is impossible to see herself as that because she knows being alone is okay. If she really wants to be with someone, she doesn't deny her need for a male companion because it is a genuinely natural one but she won't sell herself short or do something wrong, so she stays happy and at peace.
• She is the new bride or mother, that is trying to get a hang of it all, with all the advice and teachings pouring in from everywhere, she is determined to give her best but she is also very determined not to loose herself in the process because she knows that taking care of herself is the best gift she can give to her loved ones.
• She is the female who has just been cheated on, she has a tough decision to make on the next steps but she will make it after weighing her options and whatever it is, she will be at peace. She feels the hurt and pain of deceit and is determined to go through it because she knows that even pain has its blessings.
• She is the woman suddenly alone either through a divorce or death's wicked blow, the pain of separation is great but she is determined to stay grateful and you can see her smile through the tears

 These women are truly beautiful because they are confident, warm, graceful, with lots of empathy and compassion holding themselves and those around them to standards of excellence. They are beautiful because they do not bemoan the evil that seems to befall womanhood, they are very excited about who they are, they love being women, truth be told, they are ecstatic to be women.

I ask again, are you ecstatic to be a woman? 

One of my dear blog visitors commented on a post (see post here) requesting that I discuss ways to turn a guy down without coming across as rude. As someone who isn't a guy, neither claims to be an expert on relationship and male matters, I decided to ask male friends around and I have come up with the following tips;

1. Be unavailable; If he asks what you're doing on Saturday, tell him you want to wash your hair; and yes you'll be washing your hair all day Saturday rather than go out with him. Once you're unavailable, he'll get the message.
2. Just tell him you're not interested; no need to beat around the bush. Tell him in a polite and firm way that you are not interested.
3. Let your words and actions match; Don't be saying that you don't like him while you call him to drive you to the beach, take your friends out, give you some money etc. It's not nice at all.
4. Don't laugh at him with your friends; People who do this are just mean. Bear in the mind that the guy in question did not commit a crime by asking you out, hence, treat him with respect. Don't run him down and make jokes with your friends about him, seriously, it makes you look small. 
5. Ask him for something really above his means; They say this works for guys who just won't take no for an answer. Asking him for something that will really stress him might just do the magic. I know of a guy who stopped asking a girl out after he had accidentally taken her shopping, she dragged him there and shopped the boutique down and then he realized that she was one extravagant babe, turned out that the girl just wanted him off her back.
6.  Ignore him; If after 1-5, he is still persistent, then just ignore him and learn to live with his disturbance because only an invitation to your wedding might deter him.

In all, when turning a guy's advances down, bear in mind that he is a person with feelings and liking you is not a crime. Let the golden rule guide you as you say no while remaining the classy queen you are.

Have you ever had a persistent 'toaster' who just wouldn't take no for an answer? I'd like to know how you handled the situation.

There has been a media frenzy since snippets of Jay-Z's release suggest that he cheated on Beyonce possibly a lot of times. Before that, there had been instances where people suspected infidelity; Solange's outburst and Beyonce's album.

Mixed reactions have trailed this seeming revelation but most people seem to take this new information as proof that women should deal with stuff. So we've heard things like 'you see, not everything you see on the media is a it appears. some people are suffering and smiling'. 'After Beyonce finished deceiving all of you with girl power, she was managing Jay-Z' 'All those women that left their cheating boyfriend's because of Beyonce's songs will feel bad now'.

I've been tempted to scream all weekend but I decided to channel my thoughts into a write up for my loyal, lovely readers and these are my thoughts;

• Life is an individual race; we are all on our seperate journeys and paths in life and hence we must walk our own paths and stop checking out what others are doing.
• The burden of freedom is responsibility; We must understand that we are responsible for our decisions and their outcomes. We can't be living our lives based on what others are doing or thinking and turn around to blame them for our actions.
• Be careful who you take advice from.
• Trust yourself to take your own decisions; let's quit with the herd mentality and do what we believe is best for us. Like was stated earlier, we are all on our individual life journeys. 

My submission is that the choice to leave or stay with a cheating partner is a huge one that impacts the lives of all those involved greatly. That decision is one we should take after carefully considering all scenarios.

In all, we should do what's best for us and our children and never feel the need to apologize or explain to those who don't matter.