A lot of us attended BAAD 2017 online via our mobile devices. From the surprise engagement to the lovely dovey in between and finally to the wedding that held us spellbound for 2 weekends.

We took a poll and here are some reactions most people had to BAAD 2017;

• Aww, this is so sweet; Susu is such a lovely bride and buba seems as romantic as they come.
• Wow, fashion on point
• Okay, are we still on this: At a point, some of our readers admitted to getting a bit overwhelmed with it all.
• It's okay oooh; e don do, you're a sweet couple we know.
• I thought they wanted their relationship private; what's all the noise now.
• When will le boo pop the question; some of our female readers polled said they felt this way. We hope for their sakes that the BAAD 2017 inspires some brothers to pop the question.

We wish Banky and Adesua the best as they start their new life together.

Follow this link   to participate in the Biggest sale of the year is here!!!!! It's Jumia black Friday and it's time to purchase gift items at very low prices. Phones, Appliances, clothing and lots more.

Hurry because this year Christmas came early.

1. Create a connection first; Get people to know you and like you. While you don't have to sleep with them, create an emotional connection.
2. Be goal oriented but interested in others; While Delilah's goal was to get Samson's secret, she got close to him first and made him believe she liked him for who he was.
3. Be pleasantly persistent; You must keep asking in a way that is appealing. This is tricky as there is a very thin line above which persistence becomes a source of irritation.
4. Handle rejections gracefully; Samson lied to Delilah a couple of times but she handled each rejection gracefully.

While many do not approve of what Delilah did, the lessons learnt from her story can work for us.

Strengths are the areas in which we do well and most times, they have served us perfectly.

However, there are certain times our strengths become weaknesses.

Maybe growing up we are applauded for being smart, outspoken, bold and daring and they have served us well but as we begin to experience life, a different 'us' is demanded. This can be a trying time but it is definitely a most defining time. How we respond to this period will determine if we move forward or stay stuck. We can choose to grow, evolve and become better or we can stay defending habits that no longer serve us positively.

We all know that one person considered most likely to succeed who made a huge mess of things in their lives.

In order to ensure that our strengths do not become weakness, we need to do the following;

• Do a SWOT analysis of ourselves and celebrate ourselves; yes, it is important to know yourself and be grateful for every strength and seeming weakness that you have.
• Develop situational awareness; a close friend likes to call it 'Village sense' which is the ability to look at situations realistically and make accurate judgement calls.
• Adjust yourself to suit the situation; sit down, be humble! yes, the reasonable person adapts to suit the situation while the unreasonable person forces the world to adapt to him. Listen to life when it tries to teach you so you don't keep repeating the same mistakes.

 Remember,

We've all experienced these scenarios;

• Someone is talkative, obnoxious and badly behaved and you're told ignore because they are being themselves.
• Someone doesn't take the time to appear neat and present themselves properly but again, they are being themselves. 
• Someone acts in generally not so acceptable ways and they are being themselves.

I am a firm believer that people should be themselves but then if we are made in the image of God for a purpose, then an annoying, obnoxious, indiscipline person isn't the 'self' that we are. It is a bad side of the wonderful masterpiece that God has created and we should reject.

If we talk a lot, then we need to cultivate the art of listening and empathy so that we can give the right response. If we really aren't the dressy type, then we can at least ensure that we are neat.

God has created us to be so much more so the rule is 'BE YOUR BEST SELF'

Offices are very interesting places and as different as our faces and fingerprints are, so do we find different personalities in an office. The various office personalities are;

• The favored ones; These ones are referred to as favored because they get the promotions and perks for seemingly not doing anything. Sometimes, these people are kiss asses/sycophants but more often that not, they are people with a knack for figuring out exactly what needs to be done and working smartly to achieve this hence they come across as 'favored', 'lucky' etc. To be fair to their colleagues sometimes, these people are just in the right place at the right time.
• The 'unlucky' ones; these ones work hard, do everything right and yet they can't seem to get ahead. It's like there's a mark on their head that says 'do not promote them'. Sometimes, these people are working hard at the wrong things, sometimes, they might have made some political mistakes and sometimes, it is just not time. Life happens even to the best of us. If you find yourself in such a situation, it is best to stay grateful and happy while looking out for other opportunities. Remind yourself constantly that you are not a victim.
• The Model employee; If work was high school, these ones would be the prefects. They are model staff in that they wear the right clothes, treat everyone with respect that's also reciprocated to them, have tremendous influence that they don't need to shout to get things done because people love to do things for them. With these people, you admire them, learn from them but never let them make you feel inferior because frankly, they weren't built in a day.
• The clueless ones; These one have no idea what's going on either by choice or fate. They come across as people who show up at work just because they don't want to be idle. It's easy to write off these ones but be careful because they might have side gigs they are working on, like that employee who leaves and becomes a major fashion designer.
• The ones who came for the food; While this is far fetched, some co-workers disappear when there is work to be done and magically appear when it's lunch or fun time. Just ignore these ones, they'll get what's coming to them.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on the many personalities in a work place.

Nigerians are noted for our tendency to offer advice - whether you like it or not. We do not mind our business oh and this is because we are interested in the lives of others - to be honest, it is not necessarily because we have your best interest at heart.

However, here are guidelines to follow before you take advice from anyone:

•  Know who the person is; You need to know a person well, their intentions, motives and who they are in general. Are they hateful people, good people, people who have or do not have a mind of their own? It is essential that we know the people that are offering advice to us.                         
• Evaluate your relationship with this person; Family is extremely concerned about your life. Friends are concerned about your life. With friends and family, they are also concerned about their reputations because your behavior and how you eventually turn out is linked to their life. Now you understand why family and friends may be extremely skeptical about you taking risks. With family and close friends, there is also confirmation bias hence they may be blinded to the ways you've grown/changed. That's why words from a random stranger can be insightful.
• Evaluate what this person stands to gain/lose from your life; A guy who's asking a teenage girl out and telling her to grow up/loosen up wants to have fun with his youth. Her brother fighting the guy is protecting his sister. A boss asking you to stay on his team might wants to make career and business growth.
• Has the person earned critic rights; Regardless of how a person fares in the points raised above, critic/advise rights have to be earned and this can be done in two ways;
• By succeeding; It's funny to see poor people advising the rich on how to handle their finances or people who haven't succeeded in an aspect offering advice. While we should listen to everyone, it is important to note that 'wisdom is justified by her children'. 'physician heal thyself'.
•  By showing how much they care; The best advise should come from a place of love and genuine concern. Some people try to run us down and cover it up with the ever popular 'it's for your own good'.

 Regardless of how a person fares in the points above, it is essential to listen to everyone, reflect on every feedback received but most importantly, take our own decisions.

Because you survived seemingly tough situations and you keep growing and evolving everyday.

And to those of you in seemingly painful and tough situations, here is a reminder that this too shall pass.


Keep striving, you've got this. We are rooting for you.

Words to affirm yourself this week. We walk beside still waters, we are not broken.

Celebrate each scar, pain and wound. Not all Queens were born as princesses raised in palaces, some were made from ashes.

Eid is almost here and as a gift to our Muslim sisters, we will be sharing eid inspired outfits from Monday to Friday;

Look 1

For the boss chick. Black and white are the predominant tones with a touch of gold.

Look 3

Make a statement with this blazer. This is effortlessly simple and chick.

Look 4

 White and black with a touch of blue

Look 5

Dress down with this fun and flirty attire.

So Divas, which of these looks would you rock. I'd like to hear from you.

My 1st interaction with Karachi wasn't pleasant. I had dropped a comment about someone that she considered negative and she rebuked me deeply.

This is just one side of Karachi, unafraid to speak her mind and stand up for the truth.

Karachi is a woman of many parts;

• She is a teacher; and I mean this literally. she goes to school everyday to develop the minds of the young ones. A voyage into her Instagram handle will reveal how excited she is about her children and what they do. She makes teaching fun and sometimes I wish I could be a child again to sit in one of her classes.
• She is a creative genius; she and her husband are the brain behind the lovely series 'sons of the caliphate'. Karachi gives creativity a fun image.
• She is a God lover; Karachi is a singer in the church choir (Cliche; I know) but then she does this to show her love for God.
• She is a Person; Whole, warm, confident and lovely. Despite a seeming disability, Karachi is one person who lives life and loves fully.

 See below some pictures to give you a glimpse into the life of this multi-dimensional woman;

Seed Art work done by Karachi's pupils.






Karachi playing dress up for a school activity.
 


Karachi and Le hubs on the set of Sons of the Calipahte

 

Karachi is indeed a woman of many parts, a role model, God lover and our amazing crush for the week.

As we get into a new week, we celebrate our successes and appreciate every little growth. The goal is to be better than yesterday. We are queens choosing to excel not compete.

The world is waiting for us to showcase our best talents and live to our maximum potential. We do no one any justice when we dim our light in order to make others feel secure. Living your life to the fullest is your greatest gift to the world.

This week, play to live to your maximum potential.

As the week ends, take out time to celebrate your success and appreciate each growth milestone.

We often hear that women hate each other, that women are the ones that put each other down the most.

I've taken out time for outline possible reasons for the seeming girl-on-girl hate.

1. They have been raised to compete with each other; I call it the how market syndrome. Society trains women to aspire to marriage and compete for the attention of men and as a result, competition, jealousy and seeming hate becomes the order of the day amongst women.

     2. A lot of women are not true to themselves;  Lot's of women are stuck in their shell, living a lie 
           and not true to themselves. This breeds self hate, a judgemental spirit and internal unhappiness and
           because you cannot give what you don't have, women project their self hate on others.

   3. Society promotes this idea; I do not really believe that women hate each other but society seems to
       promote this notion in various ways; advertising like real men eat meat not bones (pitting chubbier
       women against skinny women), blogs that like to promote squabbles among women, insecure men
       who pit women, against each other, it seems everyone loves a cat fight hence they promote the notion
       women hate each other.

4.  Women are people too; and that means they have the right to like and not like and they are also
      open to being liked and not being liked. The fact that you are a woman doesn't mean I must like you if
      I don't like you neither does that fact that I'm a woman mean everyone must like me.It's just life, you like       some, you unlike some.  

5.  It is not true; It is not true that women really hate each other. People hate people sometimes and         
     women like men are people too.

So dears, do you agree with me, feel free to comment on reasons why the notion persists that women hate each other.

Not too tall,
Someone with curves,

One of our readers asked that I do a post on how a good girl can be sharp and land a man in the 21st century.

I am no authority on relationship issues, I just write based on what I've observed as well as research from friends, family, well wishers, etc.

I had originally done a post on  why good girls suffer and this post will highlight how to get the best of life as a good girl, it might not land you a man (as good men are gifts from above) but it will ensure you have an exciting and balanced life. So read and found out how to be a good girl and hot;

• Define your sense of style; Fashion and style has this way of opening doors for us. Whether you're a tomboy, good girl, sexy siren, corporate conservative type, it's important to define your sense of style and hone it with so much finesse. Find a style icon that suits your style to serve as a source of inspiration.
• Learn social rules; you need to understand what the social rules of life are and you'll do this by observing and listening to feedback. No need to swim against the tide, go with the flow but know where you want to go.
• Define yourself; Know who you are, strengths, weakness and all. Hone your strengths and find a way to downplay your weaknesses.
• Learn the art of seduction; and by this, I do not mean getting a man into bed or wanting to have sex with you. As a person, you need to learn how to draw attention to your strengths without looking like you're the one running after attention. You do this by being consistent, thinking positive thoughts about yourself and others, being graceful as much as possible, and being genuinely happy for others who have the spotlight. Some people have this naturally, while others have to learn this but if you do what's written above, you will attract your tribe.
• Flirt; by flirt I mean be open, go out with guys when they ask you out, that way you get to practice your 'man catching skills' and you are never needy and when you do find the guy you like, he has to walk his way up the queue as there are a lot of people on it already.
• Have a positive aura; an aura that inviting,warm, graceful and peaceful. No one wants to be near a dowdy Jane or a miserable person. To have a positive aura, you will have to think positive thoughts and never see yourself as a victim.
• Think positive thoughts; You are your thought life. Think of yourself as a million dollar bill, don't ever think you're a victim. Say to yourself, 'I am a Lion, not a Cat' and carry yourself as such.

Remember, being a good girl is not an excuse to be boring, socially awkward, a victim, poorly or scruffy dressed etc. You can be a good girl and still be hotttt!!!!!

The hustle of the week is almost over. Someone may look at unachieved goals and feel discouraged. Tag a friend today and let them know you believe in them and like the rocket in this image, one day they're going to blow.

Others may dread this day but we are we are always excited because we know that amazing things lie ahead.

Have a great week dears, go out there and excel.

The weekend is here. What will you be doing? Weddings, birthdays, hanging out with friends, house chores, visit to the mechanic?

Whatever you're doing, we're just glad that the weekend is here

Being a woman is a beautiful thing. A woman is the source of life, beauty, warmth etc. These are wonderful cliches but as a woman, are you really ecstatic to be a woman? Does the idea that you are a woman excite you, are you really excited and at peace with being a woman?

You see, it's easy to say all the right words but deep down, do we really like being women? Some people feel that they are not attractive enough, that they do not have enough feminine wiles, that society is against them- afterall, it's a man's world and they can get away with being brutal and treating us anyhow. Beliefs like how society stops us, stands in our way, how we have to suffer and reap rewards in our old age are not consistent with being ecstatic about our womanhood.

When we are ecstatic about being women, we are extremely comfortable in our skin. We are in tune with every aspect of ourselves; our bodies, our feelings, emotions, fears, weakness and strengths. We are genuinely in love with ourselves.

Because we are in love with ourselves, we take better care of ourselves, we look good, take care of our skin and do our best to project the best version of ourselves, we are in-tune with our sexuality and sensuality and we do not sit on it. We have no time to judge others or criticize, we are living our lives, walking our path.

When people meet us, they are released to become the best version of themselves because we do not hold back or judge ourselves so we have no time to judge others. We are simply loving and holding everyone including ourselves to high standards of excellence.

We do not have time to compete, we know that who we are is enough.

Because we love ourselves, we do not tolerate disrespect in anyway and we firmly and lovingly set boundaries by how we treat ourselves (to be honest, what sane thinking person would mutilate a brand new Mercedes). We are not bogged down by regrets because we forgive ourselves for mistakes made and learn the lessons that are necessary and because we have forgiven ourselves, it is easier to forgive others.

It's hard to stay in toxic relationships because we are complete as we are and so we can walk away.

And when we are ecstatic to be truly women, we become really beautiful; not by worldly standards but truly beautiful. We have all met that hot girl who seemed out of touch with who she was, that despite her beauty, you wanted to leave her presence and there is the opposite, a woman not exceptionally attractive by worldly standard but she exuded a sense of warmth that drew everyone in.

Beautiful women ecstatic about being women can be found everywhere;

• She is that elderly woman that cleans compounds for a living. She shows up everyday in her neatly pressed dresses, her hair plaited with a smile on her face and everyone just wants to spend at least five minutes with her because she exudes joy and serenity.
• She is that student that treats everyone with grace as she tries to understand the challenges of growing up and maturing into womanhood.
• She is that female starting our her career or a business; while scared and naive in the business and career world, she faces each day bravely because she knows each experience is a teacher and one day she will become the best of what she can be.
• She is the female boss in the office who isn't afraid to be feminine and at the same time she isn't afraid to be strong, to speak up for herself and her team and also demand excellence from people who work for her.
• She is that single female, the type we like to call 'Aunty gwegz' but it is impossible to see herself as that because she knows being alone is okay. If she really wants to be with someone, she doesn't deny her need for a male companion because it is a genuinely natural one but she won't sell herself short or do something wrong, so she stays happy and at peace.
• She is the new bride or mother, that is trying to get a hang of it all, with all the advice and teachings pouring in from everywhere, she is determined to give her best but she is also very determined not to loose herself in the process because she knows that taking care of herself is the best gift she can give to her loved ones.
• She is the female who has just been cheated on, she has a tough decision to make on the next steps but she will make it after weighing her options and whatever it is, she will be at peace. She feels the hurt and pain of deceit and is determined to go through it because she knows that even pain has its blessings.
• She is the woman suddenly alone either through a divorce or death's wicked blow, the pain of separation is great but she is determined to stay grateful and you can see her smile through the tears

 These women are truly beautiful because they are confident, warm, graceful, with lots of empathy and compassion holding themselves and those around them to standards of excellence. They are beautiful because they do not bemoan the evil that seems to befall womanhood, they are very excited about who they are, they love being women, truth be told, they are ecstatic to be women.

I ask again, are you ecstatic to be a woman? 

One of my dear blog visitors commented on a post (see post here) requesting that I discuss ways to turn a guy down without coming across as rude. As someone who isn't a guy, neither claims to be an expert on relationship and male matters, I decided to ask male friends around and I have come up with the following tips;

1. Be unavailable; If he asks what you're doing on Saturday, tell him you want to wash your hair; and yes you'll be washing your hair all day Saturday rather than go out with him. Once you're unavailable, he'll get the message.
2. Just tell him you're not interested; no need to beat around the bush. Tell him in a polite and firm way that you are not interested.
3. Let your words and actions match; Don't be saying that you don't like him while you call him to drive you to the beach, take your friends out, give you some money etc. It's not nice at all.
4. Don't laugh at him with your friends; People who do this are just mean. Bear in the mind that the guy in question did not commit a crime by asking you out, hence, treat him with respect. Don't run him down and make jokes with your friends about him, seriously, it makes you look small. 
5. Ask him for something really above his means; They say this works for guys who just won't take no for an answer. Asking him for something that will really stress him might just do the magic. I know of a guy who stopped asking a girl out after he had accidentally taken her shopping, she dragged him there and shopped the boutique down and then he realized that she was one extravagant babe, turned out that the girl just wanted him off her back.
6.  Ignore him; If after 1-5, he is still persistent, then just ignore him and learn to live with his disturbance because only an invitation to your wedding might deter him.

In all, when turning a guy's advances down, bear in mind that he is a person with feelings and liking you is not a crime. Let the golden rule guide you as you say no while remaining the classy queen you are.

Have you ever had a persistent 'toaster' who just wouldn't take no for an answer? I'd like to know how you handled the situation.

There has been a media frenzy since snippets of Jay-Z's release suggest that he cheated on Beyonce possibly a lot of times. Before that, there had been instances where people suspected infidelity; Solange's outburst and Beyonce's album.

Mixed reactions have trailed this seeming revelation but most people seem to take this new information as proof that women should deal with stuff. So we've heard things like 'you see, not everything you see on the media is a it appears. some people are suffering and smiling'. 'After Beyonce finished deceiving all of you with girl power, she was managing Jay-Z' 'All those women that left their cheating boyfriend's because of Beyonce's songs will feel bad now'.

I've been tempted to scream all weekend but I decided to channel my thoughts into a write up for my loyal, lovely readers and these are my thoughts;

• Life is an individual race; we are all on our seperate journeys and paths in life and hence we must walk our own paths and stop checking out what others are doing.
• The burden of freedom is responsibility; We must understand that we are responsible for our decisions and their outcomes. We can't be living our lives based on what others are doing or thinking and turn around to blame them for our actions.
• Be careful who you take advice from.
• Trust yourself to take your own decisions; let's quit with the herd mentality and do what we believe is best for us. Like was stated earlier, we are all on our individual life journeys. 

My submission is that the choice to leave or stay with a cheating partner is a huge one that impacts the lives of all those involved greatly. That decision is one we should take after carefully considering all scenarios.

In all, we should do what's best for us and our children and never feel the need to apologize or explain to those who don't matter.

It's the last day of June.

The 1st half of the year is over.

Earlier this year, we discussed some kickass moves for 2017 and one of them was to have a gratitude jar. (See post here  ).

It's time to be thankful for all the blessings that have come our way. It has been said that we can either count our blessings or decide our blessings don't count. We have decided to count our blessings because we are thankful like that. I have on my gratitude list;

• My family; God has been keeping us and making us beautiful.
• My job; and all the wonderful colleagues and partners I have met.
• My finances; to be honest, this year has been smooth financially.
• My friends; bestie's white wedding was successful and my good friends gave birth to the most adorable babies.
• This blog; I'm grateful for the gift of writing and the platform to share my thoughts with the world. I also developed some skills in addition to my writing.
• You; yes you reading this. The over 8k visitors I have received and my followers on facebook and Instagram. Know this you have been a tremendous blessing.

So dears, what are you grateful for, don't forget this

I remember the first time I was asked out, I was 11 years old, wearing a white shirt and a green skirt. The guy in question should have been 15 or more. He was staring at me from the other side of the road and when he crossed over, I knew he was going to ask me out and I was excited though I played it cool. I'm not sure I heard anything he said, the answer was obviously no but I couldn't wait to gist my friends in school the next day. See, I was in Js3 and most of my friends were between ages 13 and 15 and so I was the last to be asked out in the group and I couldn't wait to tell everyone about it.

After that day, it was like a door opened and since then I have been asked out by men of all classes. Some of them stand out for both good and bad reasons. Some were soooooo smooth that you just wanted to be around them even though you knew you'd say no and some were soooo ***** that you decided you must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed and need to go back to sleep.

This Thursday, we'll be throwing back to the lines we heard growing up when guys were 'toasting' us.

Someone once told me I looked like Beyonce and I laughed soooo hard because I know we didn't look alike.

Another one kept telling me he fantasized about Paris Hilton and then told me I looked like Paris Hilton. I definitely didn't pick his calls after that day.

And there were the sweet ones.... I smile just thinking of their moves.

So divas, I'd like to hear the pick up lines you've been told; the good, bad and ugly.

The funniest, lamest, dopest etc. I'd like to hear them all.

It's a Monday morning and time to go about our daily grind and hustle.

Sometimes, we could ask ourselves if it's worth it. The stress, the diligence, the routines and plans.

We could wake up and wish we were asleep, asking ourselves 'all these stress, for what'.

A clear vision, a clear sense of where we're going, a clear picture in our head of what our future can be and who we are becoming will see us through the trying times.

Word for this week, 'I see where I am going and it is beautiful'.

Have a productive week dears.

It's the last month of the 1st half of the year.

June is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello June, may you be good to us.

I see blessings and success for all work divas.

May all our wishes come true. Our best days are here.

An older colleague told me of a neighbour who had issues with her husband. This woman - let's call her Kay was convinced that her husband was having an affair but couldn't prove it. She laid a trap for him, put out all the FBI moves and eventually found out the truth. The hubby was really having an affair but that was not the shocker, the real shocker was that the side piece was her colleague, actually one of her subordinates in the office. We'll call the side piece Betty.

Kay had risen to director level by the time she was 29. She had the power to deal with Betty because she was way below her on the corporate ladder even though the age difference wasn't much.

Kay biggest dilemma was the fact that she trusted Betty as of all the people in her team, Betty  had become some sort of backbone. She had helped to keep Kay grounded as she navigated the challenges of being a young executive reminding her of the things that really mattered. Kay in return mentored Betty.

Kay's biggest dilemma now was Betty's name had come up for promotion. Kay knew that Betty's direct bosses had put her name forward because they wanted to be in her good books. Kay did not believe Betty deserved the promotion as she had been at her current position less than a year and was struggling at it. She believed that training and international secondment was what Betty's career needed. Promoting people to levels of incompetence had never been Kay's style.

The biggest challenge was that Kay found out about her husband's affair in a rather public way and if she denied Betty a promotion, tongues were sure to wag. She was in  a serious dilemma and wondered what to do. This coupled with the fact that she was dealing with the hurt of her husband's betrayal. She had the mind to take a vacation and skip the management meeting so that Betty's track record could speak for itself; but Kay knew she couldn't. There were young people on her team deserving of upward movement, top talents she wanted to push in order to gain management recognition. She was at a loss and didn't know what to do.

Now whether my colleague was saying the truth or making up the story to pass time while we waited for a long overdue meeting, this story brings to mind how uncomfortable finding out your significant other is cheating with a colleague can be.

What would you do if you were in Kay's shoes? are the dynamics different if the colleague is senior, junior or on the same level? Is cheating more painful when it's with a collegue?

I'd really like to hear your thoughts.

It was a work day and I was reading professional articles on Linked in when I got a message from someone. We started chatting and it turned out that we had mutual acquaintances.

One thing led to another, he got my number and he began to ask me out. After some initial shakara, I agreed to go on a date with him and he was a complete gentleman. I had barely gotten home when I received the message 'I am completely smitten; I had such a wonderful time'.

I responded with a smiley and moved on to other things. The next few weeks were heavenly, I had so much fun and I was treated like the lady that I was. The brother was a gentle man and I felt at peace and in my feminine element around him. He was caring and extremely generous and he didn't push for the cookie even after we went clubbing and spent nights together. He respected me fully and I was happy untill............

The brother pulled the disappearing act on me and he did it so subtly. From meetings and conferences that took him out of Lagos to family activities. The visits and calls reduced untill they disappeared completely.

I healed my broken heart and moved on. I mean, this was linked in, the most professional of all platforms, where one could meet like minds and great connections.

People are finding love via Instagram dm's and I'm here getting heartbroken on linked in.

Maybe my head no carry online dating even on linkedin, I can never tell. I've moved on and now linked in is strictly for professional purposes.

Have a lovely and productive week ahead dears and may we all find success, love and fulfillment.

Kisses.

Gossip hurts, especially when you know it's not true.

It's sometimes exciting to listen to gossip even though that's a disgusting habit but the most painful thing about gossip is when things are being said about you that are not only malicious but also untrue.

Here's how to deal with office gossip when you are the subject;

1. Stay calm; No matter how hard this is (and trust me, I know how hard it can be), stay calm, do not fret or cause the gossip to make you act out in weird and funny ways.

2. Don't talk about it at all; except it has potential to affect your career negatively, then you need to address the source, respectfully and publicly with the aim of putting an end to it once and for all. When doing this, be brief, stick to the point and avoid unnecessary drama.

3. Have some empathy for the gossips; sometimes people gossip in order to feel better about their lives. You're performing, seemingly successful, etc. cooking up a story about you might make their imperfections easier to live with. People also fear what they do not understand and hence the gossip.

4. Learn from it; A wise man once said, never let a crisis go to waste in your life. What led to the gossip; did your character create that perception? What emotional reactions did you have and how did you deal with them? Answering these questions could increase your emotional intelligence quotient. Whatever happens, make sure you learn from it.

5. Remind yourself how bad the subject of gossip feels; when next you're tempted to gossip , remember how bad it feels to be on the receiving end and shut up.

6. Grow, live and continue the hustle; Never let the gossips detract you. Live your life and ignore what you have to. There's a saying that if you listen to everything being said, you will hear your own servant curse you.

These are my sugegstions. I can't wait to hear yours. I promise to respond to comments.

Have a wonderful weekend ahead.

• If he compliments you by putting someone else down; You know that type of compliment where they say 'You're slim unlike certain females that are too fat'. 'I love your brains, unlike some Nigerian girls that are so dumb'.... bla bla bla.
• If he enjoys seeing women compete; This is the elder brother to the point above. If he seems to enjoy a cat fight among women, or compare women in groups, he has a challenge.
• If he is rude to people around him; I've noticed that the older and more mature a man is, the more he is polite and respects people around.
• If he exhibits borderline unruly behavior in the name of 'being himself'; That guy that talks anyhow, makes jokes at the expense of others, and displays borderline bad habits all in the name of being himself is someone that has no respect for others and constituted authority.
• If he tries to convince you that all his exes,etc still want him; you know that guy that has stories of how various girls want him and are dying for him the 1st day of the date.
• If he tries to convince you that all his exes are psychos, crazy, etc; my darling it's either he's lying, a psycho magnet or does things to make babes pscho.
• If he is overtly possessive at the beginning; you guys have just met but he wants to know where you are, why you didn't pick his calls on time, etc.
• If he will do anything to be socially correct; the guy of guy that outward reputation matters the most to. While I agree that we need to present the best version of ourselves to the world. A man who will do 'ANYTHING' to be socially correct is actually insecure.
• If he is a mummy's boy/friend's boy; if he is indecisive and needs a crew to take his decisions, he is a fuck boy.
• If his stories don't add up; Fuck boys and lies are like peas in a pod.
• If he has no visible source of income; you know those guys that are all talk, lofty dreams and no action. The ones that are 'unto their own sturvs' but still try to borrow money from you. My sister, run

The above are initial signs. As you go deeper into the relationship, you begin to notice things like blowing hot and cold, not valuing your dreams and goals, making you feel like you need to beg for his attention because you are lucky to have him, being stingy etc.

To avoid seeing worse signs, if he exhibits five of the above, be very wary and watch him closely before going further. If he exhibits more than five, just say to yourself 'Not today satan, I'll pass'.

The past two years have seen a lot of social media drama and unfortunately, sad marriage tales.

Most times when news of marriage break up occurs, people blame it on sharing too much on social media.

You begin to read comments like 'why won't they break up, when they post all the details of their lives of social media'.

And it seems that people believe that over-sharing, whatever it may mean is the reason for a lot of break up in marriages.

I've noticed though that while people have that sentiment for celebrities, they don't seem to think the same for normal individuals.

When everyday people post pictures of their children, spouses, work life etc, the comment section is lit with compliments and accolades like 'beautiful family', 'hot mama', 'I go love oh' but if a celebrity puts up a similar post, we are likely to see comments like 'keep posting oh, later we'll hear of DV and side-chicks', 'when they tell you people to take your relationships off social media, you won't listen till we begin to hear stories that touch'.

So I have a question, do all  relationships have to be kept private or does the over-sharing jinx affect only celebrities?

Please feel free to comment, I'd like to hear your thoughts.

If there's one thing every career person prays not to have, it is a bad boss. A bad boss can affect your productivity negatively and also make your working days, hell on earth. On the other hand, a good boss is one the best things that could ever happen to your career. Most people that have attained career success and happiness owe it to a good boss. Note that I said career success and happiness because while you can succeed under a bad boss, happiness can be far fetched.

While most people complain about having bad bosses, no one ever claims to be one. Everyone believes they are good bosses- afterall, the bible says 'every man will proclaim his own goodness'.

I carried out a survey and came up with characteristics of a good boss;

• A good boss knows the job; you have to have excellent technical skills. Know how to do the job.
• A good boss knows the political side of the job; to be honest, there is a lot of politicking in the office and some problems are due to political fallout. Subordinates need a boss that can teach them the softer skills involved in the job.
• A good boss solves problems; When there is a challenge, do you step up and solve problems or do you start playing the blame game? Good bosses deal with the challenge first without wasting time playing the blame game.
• A good boss is firm and has radical candor; As a boss, your job is not to be nice. A boss is like an office parent. There is need for firmness and honest feedback to subordinates even though unpleasant. Like a parent, while you must be caring and kind, you must not forget that your subordinates look up to you for growth.
• A good boss cares about the advancement of subordinates; You need to take an interest in the careers of your subordinates,work with them to harness their strengths, minimize their weaknesses and fight for their career advancement
• A good boss discourages favoritism,politicking and other toxic behavior; you try your  best to ensure that there is no politicking, favoritism, bullying etc. in your team.
• A good boss uses the carrot and stick approach; You compliment and  reprimand.
• A good boss doesn't forget to be human; you are a human being and you understand and accept that. The human touch is not missing in your interaction. While you are a bad ass technically, politically, as a coach etc. you are human and you are relatable and this acknowledgement of our shared humanity is the reason you are a good boss because in being human you inspire trust and this trust is something you do not betray.

So Divas, I have outlined a few characteristics I believe a good boss should have, please feel free to comment if there are other characteristics you'd like your boss to possess.

I'd love to hear from you and I promise to respond to as many comments as I can.

A healthy spirit and sense of self are essential to a successful life, but there are a lot of things that can affect our inner peace. The struggles of each day, unfulfilled dreams, bad news that are around and the behavior of people can take a toll on us. I have outlined habits that if cultivated would help us protect our inner self.

1. Cultivate the art of gratitude: There is something about a thankful heart, it released joy which is good for the soul. Staying thankful and being grateful for the little things is good for the soul.

2. Live an authentic life: to thine own self be true. Don't lie to yourself or deny the essence of who you are to fit in. Know who you are and know that you are enough. Live an authentic life because lying to yourself is a recipe for failure. Never try to be what you are not. Just do you.

3. Love silence: Don't be afraid to be alone. De-clutter your insides of noise. Learn to be still and love the silence in the air.

4. Pamper yourself and make sure you have a 'ME' time; It could be an hour every week where you take out time for yourself. It could be every evening when you spend longer time exfoliating. It could be in the morning when you listen to the silence before the noise of the day starts but schedule time for yourself.

5. Plan your finances; wealth gives strength oh. A knowledge that you're taken care of financially can help you stay sane and keep things in perspective. Have a healthy financial plan and habit, grow your side gigs and generally try to ensure money is not so much of a big deal.

6. Strive to be someone who always has options; Grow in your career, take on projects that can make your marketable outside the office not just mundane everyday activity. Take extra courses, make smart and calculated career moves. Whatever you do, do not stay stuck in one place, loosing your sense of options.

7. Surround yourself with positivity; friends who gossip, put you down, criticize you, compete, loose them. Say to yourself 'only positive people can sit with me'. Protect yourself and remember that you are responsible for your emotions.

8. Choose to excel, not compete; do not compete with anyone at all. Walk your own path. Use your talents and abilities and grow into the best YOU.

9. Be teachable, cultivate emotional intelligence and adapt to the world; Open yourself to the world around you. Learn to understand people and try to see things from every angle not just yours. Strive to understand the world and the ways to adapt to it not forcing your ideas and opinions on others. Find out what works and place your personal style on it.

10. Remind yourself that God is in charge; and everything in his care is well taken care of. Cast your cares upon him, do your best each day and trust him to take charge of everything.

So dears, these are techniques I use to protect my inner peace. I would like to read your comments and be rest assured that I will respond to them.

• Live an authentic life; when we are true to ourselves and doing exactly what we want to do, we subconsciously trust that life would work out for us because hey, there can only be one us right? but when we are living a lie and trying to fit into a mold, then we are constantly watching to see if someone fits that mold better and this makes us compete and bring people down.
• Cultivate gratitude; Be thankful for everything you have and you won't have time to notice what others have that you don't.
• Positive self talk and mindset; Stay positive, affirm yourself and believe only the best about yourself. Don't compare yourself less or more favorable than others and you will be fine.
• Pursue your passion and expand your horizons; travel and if you can't, read a book. Try your best to make use of every skill and potential you have. The more you are growing, the less you have time to compete.
• Have faith in the God of abundance; we need to really believe that God has enough for us. If he isn't stingy with the essentials like air, sunlight etc, why should he not bless all men liberally.

So dears, go out there and sell your market, be so busy selling your market that you only notice me for business partnerships because you have no time to spoil mine. The sky is wide enough for all God's children.